The Advent Calendar

My Mum made this advent calendar for me a few years ago, and the moment it came through the door with a ribbon attached to hold it up, all thoughts of a crappy cardboard version disappeared forever.

You've met my Mum before; she cross-stitched the infamous 'Fuck The Past' piece for my 'If A Girl Writes Off The World' exhibition in 2006, together with eight 'skull'n'crossbones' Sage Francis portraits. She contributed two pieces to this year's Secret Members' Show - the cross-stitched penile word search, and the similarly-themed quilt. There is no swearing or genitalia in this piece, though (and I have checked).

I love this because it is so full of life. It bulges and glitters with red, green, cream and gold - which are really the only colours you need for Christmas - and each fabric and motif was hand-selected and turned into pockets or trees accordingly. Inside each of the 24 pockets is a non-dairy dark chocolate shape from our local chocolate makers, D&D, based just down the road. If I want anything chocolate or carob, I can just pop in for a chat and come back armed to the teeth with a bewildering array of goodies. it is custom to offer any guest the day's chocolate, but some of those shapes may actually be pralines - so you'll be very lucky if you actually get one, since I know where they all are, and who says they have to stay in the same pockets till they're eaten?